Kids Praying

We all want to raise our children to grow up into adults whose center is Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He), to love and fear Him, find peace in salah, look for their answers in the Qur’an, try to live their life according to the Sunnah of the Messenger ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him), be patient during trying times and not lie or cheat, and the list goes on. There are so many attributes we want our children to have when they grow up. But what are the most important attributes that we must try our best to inculcate in our children?

As I studied the ayahs in Quran, Surah Luqman, I realized how wise Luqman’s 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) advice was to his son. He did not give a long list of dos and don’ts like I would have done! If we try our best to work on the advice that Luqman 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) gave his son, for ourselves and our children, In sha Allah, we would save ourselves from delivering long lectures and awkward scenarios.
In sha Allah, this 3-part Parenting Lessons series based on lessons from Quran, Surah Luqman aims to explore the qualities we must strive to inculcate in our children, and at providing tips and resources to help accomplish them.
Introducing Luqman 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him)

According to Ikrimah on the authority of Ibn Abbas raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him), Luqman 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) was an Ethiopian slave who worked as a carpenter. The majority of scholars are of the view that he was a wise man and not a prophet and a righteous servant of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) whom He blessed with wisdom and told him to be thankful. Moreover, he was mentioned in the Qur’an and was highly praised by Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He).
Surah Luqman begins by telling readers that the Qur’an is a “wise” book that holds “guidance and mercy” for those who do good deeds. It tells us about paradise and then mentions Luqman 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him). It ends with reminding the readers of Paradise and motivating them to contemplate on the creation of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He).

Requisites for Good Parenting
To achieve any objective successfully, planning and acquiring all essential tools is important. Successful parenting also requires a lot of planning and there are some crucial prerequisites. Not only do we find these example in the Qur’an and but also in the Sunnah of the Messenger ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) of Allah.
In the Qur’an, Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) chose Luqman 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him), Yaqub 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) and Ibrahim 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) to show us what is primarily needed to observe proper tarbiyah (education and upbringing) of our children in a manner that is pleasing to Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He).

1. DUA: A PARENT’S MOST POWERFUL TOOL

As parents we must make great use of the power of dua. Make abundant dua for your children: for their protection, as well as for them to be an immense source of benefit and delight to you and the world. It is one of the best things you can do for them.
In fact, we must begin praying for our children even before becoming parents! Ibn ‘Abbas raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) reported that Allah’s Messenger ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:
“If anyone amongst you intends to go to his wife he should say: ‘In the name of Allah, 0 Allah protect us against Satan and keep away the Satan from the one that you have bestowed upon us’, and if He has ordained a child for them, Satan will never be able to do any harm to him.” [Sahih Muslim]
When we plan or expect a baby we may follow the footsteps of Zakariya 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) who called upon Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He), saying:
“My Lord, grant me from Yourself a good offspring. Indeed, You are the Hearer of supplication.” [Qur’an: Chapter 3, Verse 38]
We can and indeed must make dua for our children’s protection at all times. Ibn ‘Abbas said:
The Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) used to seek refuge in Allah for al-Hasan and al-husain, saying: “I seek refuge for both of you in the perfect words of Allah from every devil and every poisonous thing and from the evil eye which influences.” He would then say: “your father sought refuge in Allah by them for Ismail and Ishaq.” [Sunan Abi Dawud]
During my course of study and research, I have come across numerous successful children whose parents said they always prayed for them even in times when their patience was thoroughly tested.
Shaytan is our biggest enemy and he does not leave alone our children either. Hannah raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her), the mother of Maryam sought refuge in Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) from the Shaytan for her child and her progeny by supplicating:
“...I seek refuge for her in You and [for] her descendants from Satan, the expelled from the mercy of Allah.” [Qur’an: Chapter 3, Verse 36]
Hence Maryam and ’Isa 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) were the only two children who were not touched by Shaytan as mentioned by Ibn Kathir in his tafsir.
Another beautiful Qur’anic dua parents can make for Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) to make their children the coolness of their eyes and a source of benefit and peace to them is:
“And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”” [Qur’an: Chapter 25, Verse 74]
All these duas are recommended to be made regularly by us parents with a conviction that Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) is the Answerer of all our duas and if He accepted these before then, In sha Allah, He will accept it from us too.

2. WALK THE TALK

We are the best role model for our children. Fatima raḍyAllāhu 'anha (may Allāh be pleased with her) used to walk and talk like her father, the Messenger ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) of Allah. We will always need to “walk the talk” with our children to make it easier for them to understand and follow the commandments of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He).
If you regularly take your child to the masjid for Qur’an classes, let the child see you reading the Qur’an too. If you tell your child to stop lying, well, do not do it yourself. If you want your child to learn to repent, then let him see you repenting to Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He). If you want your child to pray five times including the Fajr salah, sleep early as a family and tell them you sleep early to be able to get up for Fajr.
Do not lose your temper at traffic jams or when the milk boils over. Let your child see you cry as you contemplate the meaning of Allah’s words in the Qur’an.

3. BUILD YOUR PATIENCE AND PERSEVERANCE

Walking on the path of deen along with our families invites Shaytan, the accursed to come after us even more. He comes with devious plans and insinuations to distract us and go astray. One area he attacks parents the most is patience and perseverance.
Yaqub 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) presents us with the most beautiful example of patience in parenting. He choses to be patient when his sons come to him with Yusuf’s 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) shirt with a wild story. He knew they were lying, but he held on to his patience and trusted Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) to take care of Yusuf 'alayhi'l-salām (peace be upon him) in order to keep the family together. And Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) rewards him for his patience by bringing them all under His mercy in the end.
Despite our many best attempts, there will be times when our children will not behave the way we would hope them to. They might even resist our attempts to draw them closer to deen, such as getting them to read Qur’an regularly, taking the weekend Islamic schools more seriously, memorising more of the Qur’an or even fasting during the long summer months. Be patient and do not give up! Make dua for patience for yourself:
“Our Lord, pour upon us patience and let us die as Muslims [in submission to You].” [Quran: Chapter 7, Verse 126]
Discussing with other parents about their strategies can also give you more ideas, In sha Allah.

4. READ UP ON PARENTING

From the moment Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) tells the angel to breathe life into a mother’s womb, the ever lasting job of parents begins. For as long as they live, they will be parenting their children, no matter how old they become. Strategies and roles change, but the basic foundation of parenting does not. Therefore, reading up on the very basics of bringing up children from when they are in the womb onwards is indispensable.
It is important to invest time and energy in learning essential facts of good nutrition and habits during pregnancy, child psychology, parenting in the digital age, etc. There are also various techniques on parenting that help us understand our children and help us tailor our parenting style to suit our children and circumstances the best. Here are a few useful resources to begin with:
Dr Laura Markham
Grandma Jeddah
Babycenter.com

Hope you enjoyed this introductory article on productive parenting based on lessons from Surah Luqman. In the next part, In sha Allah, we will explore and learn about the first and most important quality we must aim to inculcate in our little ones: The Oneness of Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) and Avoiding Shirk.

Please share your thoughts on parenting productively in this day and age by posting a comment below.
Sana Gul Waseem is a mother of two and a student, learning the Quran and the Seerah. She works for Islamic Lifestyle, a group aiming to help people live their lives according to the Quran and Sunnah. She also writes for the blog islamiclifestyle4u.wordpress.com.


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I am concerned that in the age of eHow, wiki, evidence-based, best practice and performance management, some readers may interpret this article as a blueprint to raise productive children. It is not. Children are dynamic and unique individuals.

As such this article is about me sharing my experience. Although I cherish my children’s academic achievements and winning international awards for various science and innovation competitions, I love them unconditionally. Needless to say, my children are not geniuses. I just wish to see them happy and healthy, embracing Islam fully. Below are just some of the steps I have taken in raising them:

1. Stop buying Garden and Home magazines

These magazines often make you feel miserable especially if you have hyperactive kids like me who turn the house into pirate ships or shops or schools. So,

Adopt the Japanese minimalistic style, easy to clean and maintain.
Learn one recipe for biscuits and cakes then diversify.
Keep clothes at a minimum level.
Rein in the household chores and involve the children.

2. Combine structured and informal learning

Introduce adequate structure in your kids’ life especially for homework and reading the Qur’an or fardhu ain. For example, after school, get them tea and then home work for 1 hour. After that they are free to cycle, to jump, to paint, to do what they want to do (of course computers must be in the family public space).
Get some other children together. If there is an open space for them, it is much better. However, if live in the areas where some bad characters may lurk, set up an informal play scheme. I used to organize a free play scheme on weekends with other mothers so that our children could play together in a safe environment, but with adequate distance from adults’ watchful eyes.
Involve children in organizing trips and outdoor activities. My children love experiencing rough sleeping.

3. Encourage entrepreneurial spirit

Give small amount of seed capital to your children. My children love making and selling things. In this way, they learnt maths, negotiation and communication skills early. They also learnt to make delightful products such as pop-up cards or special occasion cards and flowers for Eid and birthdays. But don’t go over the top, you could be taken to task for child labour.

4. Story books are their friends

Adopt story telling as a way of explaining and learning typically ‘boring’ subjects. My children hated their text books. I don’t blame them because many text books are notoriously unreadable. But they love good story books, practically devoured them. Over so many years, storytelling has been a powerful method of learning and teaching. If you tell the kids that World War 2 was started by a guy called Hitler, they would soon fall asleep. But try telling that the war was started by a mustached guy who used to be bullied or a bully at school and lived in a place where kids disappeared (for example), watch the facial transformation.
Visit libraries and book shops despite the age of digital books.
Teach them to respect books and treat them with care.

5. Give them a sense of purpose

Identify your children’s interests and nurture them.
Don’t force them to be what you want them to be. However, explain to them about options and consequences.
Don’t condemn but don’t overindulge them with praises either. When children have a clear sense of purpose, they will be motivated to work towards that goal. One of my daughters loves animals, astronomy and baking. Her ambition is to set up an animal shelter complete with a café and star gazing equipment.

6. Lead by action

Undertake small projects and get your children involved but don’t force them.
Explain to them the purpose of these projects. You can’t expect your children to be innovative if you yourself are lazy. When I started a TOTALLY FREE QURAN E-LEARNING (ehsanlearning.co.uk), it inspired my daughters to enter into an international Innovation Competition to help displaced people around the world or refugees, illustrate children’s books and develop e-learning courses for English as Additional Language children.

7. Find out your children’s learning barriers early

Find out your children’s learning styles early. How do they learn? Are they auditory, visual, kinesthetic or logical learners? In this way, you can strengthen their learning.
Don’t force your own learning style on your children.

8. Tell them there is no failure but learning

Explain to your children that the focus should be on learning with a clear purpose not failure.
Talk about options and limitations in achieving their ambitions. Be as realistic as possible but don’t thwart their ambitions.
Get involved in your children’s school. For example, if your children could not get to the school they want, (the price of property in good schools’ catchment areas is ridiculously high) it is not the end of the world. My older daughters went to a school which has a notoriously bad reputation in the country. But one of them won an international science competition while a student there. She was invited to visit the NASA Centre in the US including meeting with astronauts. The school was so supportive in getting her visa by pestering the US embassy on a daily basis. Everyone was so excited including other parents and students. The school also supported another daughter to set up a Fair Trade shop and helped another one win a project sponsored by the local authority
“Did We not expand for you, [O Muhammad], your breast? And We removed from you your burden. Which had weighed upon your back. And raised high for you your repute. For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. So when you have finished [your duties], then stand up [for worship]. And to your Lord direct [your] longing” [Quran: Chapter 94].

Do you have any tips that you can add to this and thus help other parents to also raise happy and innovative kids?

Author
May 13, 2013Suziana Shukor

source: http://productivemuslim.com/8-ways-to-raise-happy-and-innovative-children/#ixzz2XF6H0qox